My brother found himself a kneeling bride. I suspect all the Kenyan brothers we had travelled with to Kampala were a wee bit envious that he got a woman who was raised to show honor on her knees. That’s a story for another day. His 14plus years in Uganda yielded a companion for a lifetime and I wish them God’s blessings along their journey.
The Ugandan wedding ceremony is an elaborate expensive affair in which no costs are spared, particularly for the Baganda tribe. After you are done wooing your bride and have put a ring on it, you have the task of showing your face before her parents and community and proving in some way that you are up to the task of taking care of their girl. I have read of some instances where love alone doesn’t cut it, neither does potential mean anything. Potential is that word where people say – this dude has the makings of someone great in future and if we stick together, we can make something out of our marriage. Michelle saw potential in Obama. I hear potential doesn’t cut it in Uganda though I could be wrong.
The process of marriage begins with a letter of intent written by the man to the girls family – usually an uncle. The letter is sent through the girls auntie, the Ssenga who passes the letter on to the family. Our family was then invited to the girls home for Kukyala – a first visit to make our intentions known to them. This is when the man officially asks for the girls hand in marriage and the response from her family sets the tone for subsequent visits for both sides.
As is with the Meru community, this visit is often paternal uncle heavy as the uncles in our community are the ones who do most of the talking for the groom. The Kukyala, held in October last year, was positive. Details of dowry were shared and dates set for the next ceremony.
The Kwanjula
The traditional wedding ceremony or Kwanjula is the high priest of the marriage ceremonies. The white wedding or church ceremony pales in comparison to this even though it bears its own significance depending on the couples faith. In some families it is considered the wedding and the rest is merely legal stuff to comply with the laws of the land. I equate the Ugandan Kwanjula with the Nigerian traditional ceremony for its cultural importance, the costumes (read clothes) worn at the ceremony and the meaning attached to it.
A day before the Kwanjula was held, we were briefed on what to expect. As an inlaw, there were many ‘don’t’s to anticipate. For starters, the grooms immediate family members had to dress in traditional Ugandan attire. That meant coats and Kanzus for the men and gomesis for the girls. If you come from Western Uganda, you get away with the Mushanana, a simpler sexier outfit which has its roots and influence from neighboring Rwanda. In fact, many of my brothers friends opted for this . We were warned that any small incidents would attract fines; lateness to the ceremony, talking, wrong choice of clothes, laughing etc. I could feel we would be in for a sombre day. Oh and instructions on when we were supposed to kneel and how they would signal us when that time comes.
On the morning of the Kwanjula one of our younger cousins showed up in trousers and we were quickly requested to have her change into a dress. The Ugandan traditional dress , the gomesi requires quite an elaborate dressing ritual – top and bottom heavy but it works once you get used to the stiffness around it. No one had warned us to wear lighter trousers inside as the gomesis would require not only the custom shuka they wear it with (to puff up the lower body) but something underneath. In the end we had to make do with our jeans neatly folded – more for my eldest sister who had to sit with our brother at the high table according to tradition. (Mum didn’t make it for this ceremony due to her illness. However, I hear she wore her Sunday best and was in such a jolly mood, possibly interceding for the success of her only son’s day. God bless you mama).
The real ceremony turned out to be a colourful ceremony with much to cheer about. Let me give my definition of the Kwanjula: A ceremony in which two spokesmen try to out-do each other for the sake of the families they represent. Other than the hot sun, the great Baganda meal we were served at 4 pm and the bride’s arrival with pomp later on, the only memory I have were of these spokesmen. They exchanged jokes, they bantered, they teased, they enjoyed themselves. Then imagine you don’t speak Luganda and you have to go through this a whole afternoon. I figured that it has to be a Bantu language as we could make sense of one or two words said through out the day. It can be quite tedious, but hey this is culture and we’re here to find ourselves a bride. Nothing is too much.
The Ssenga or bride’s aunt is really the second most important person on this day, after the bride. This is her ceremony. Her arrival is preceded by rows of girls coming in kneeling down and engaging the spokesman in turn. There’s a method to this ritual though, they are asked whether they know the people who are visiting and what their mission is. Most times they respond in the negative after which they are showered with gifts by the grooms entourage.
The Ssenga’s come in and the senior one is introduced. She is asked if she knows the family that is here and why they have come and whether she can identify the gentleman who brought them. Once the groom was identified there was lots of rejoicing and he was finally given his place at the table. Before the Ssenga identifies the groom to be, he is tucked away incognito in a section of the tent where his family is seated and not allowed to say anything at all.
After this there is much jubilation for the girl can finally make her entrance. With song, dance, her ’10’ girls accompany her 4 dress changes later. She is then asked whether the family should accept the gifts brought before them – the answer is usually Yes.
The elaborately wrapped gifts meant for family members are then presented by the grooms side. This is another laborious task but an interesting one – given the number of gifts that have to be presented. It is also a show of might for the groom towards his in-laws when the gift to the family is presented. His sisters also gift the bride a suitcase filled with things she will need in her marriage – our collection was toilet, kitchen, bathroom themed.
There is a formal giving of the ring again – a public proposal follows – and then cake is cut and we were out. Incidentally, our ceremony ended late in the evening. We had been warned that the hosts don’t like their in-laws in the compound after 6pm. The Kwanjula is also a farewell ceremony for them to their daughter so they take the time to celebrate her well through the night.
In the morning we were up early before cock-crow for the Kasuze-katya, to pick the bride. This is similar to ‘picking up the sanduku or suitcase’ in Kenya which used to be done the night before the wedding but is now done on two or three days before. Our bride’s amazing mother gave her to us through tears and we were off.
Wishing you Paul and Susan a happy married life. Paul, you have found a good thing may favor be continually yours.
Kedu Lagos 